I don't know how many people out there know the whole story about how we decided to adopt, and lately God has been so good to help me see how HE worked through the whole thing that I wanted to share how this all came about.
In the Fall of 2006 we decided that it was time that we started trying to have a baby. So I went off the Pill and we started trying. Without going into too much detail, I had some issues with my cycle becoming normal again once I was off the Pill, and after several months of not being able to have a normal cycle, was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome ("PCOS"). I did my research and saw that this didn't necessarily mean I was infertile, or that I would never be able to get pregnant, but it did probably mean that if I couldn't have a normal cycle with the drugs the doctor had prescribed, that I would probably need fertility drugs to help me ovulate and, thus, get pregnant.
That diagnosis began a rough several months for me. I was really mad at God because I felt like He didn't love me. I looked around me and saw everybody else getting pregnant the first time they tried or even sometimes by accident, and it just felt like He loved everybody else so much that He wanted to bless them with children, but He didn't love me enough to bless me that way. I can see now how big of a pity party I was throwing myself, but at the time I felt very unloved. And so I struggled A LOT over the summer of 2007 - mostly in my relationship with the Lord.
And then some time that Fall God finally got to me and I realized: YES, He created me differently than He created everybody else, but that's a GOOD thing. And it's not because He doesn't love me, but that He loves me SO MUCH that He would create me uniquely and call me to live my life differently than everyone else around me at the time. AND THAT'S A GOOD THING! I can't even tell you the heavy burden that was lifted from me when I finally understood that.
Not long after that, I hit the magical year mark. Some of you may not know about this magical mark to which I refer. Well, it's that point at which the doctor's office realizes you've been "trying" to get pregnant for a year, and they kick into fertility drug/procedure mode. I wanted to yell at them. I hadn't been TRYING to get pregnant, I'd only been TRYING to have a normal cycle, which was NOT working. But they were on a mission to help me get pregnant, so without really realizing what was going on, Rob and I were swept onto the fertility roller coaster. They started me on my first round of Clomid (to help me ovulate), then they started scheduling all kinds of tests. Needless to say, I didn't get pregnant that first month, and the Clomid made me really sick. They wanted to increase my dosage the next month and begin running more tests. And all the while I'm wondering how we got there. So one day, a few days before one of the bigger tests, I looked at Rob and said, "do you want to do this?" and he said, "no" and I said "neither do I. You want to adopt?" and he said, "Yes!"
And that was it. Another burden lifted, followed by abundant joy! For us, fertility treatments just didn't seem natural. And I struggled with that for a long time because isn't that what every woman wants? Aren't we supposed to want to do whatever it takes to have a biological baby? I just didn't really have that desire. So for a long time I thought there was something wrong with me. But Rob kept telling everybody it felt MORE natural to him to adopt than to have a biological baby, and it finally occurred to me that that's how God MADE us! He created us from the beginning to be adoptive parents! That lesson He'd taught me about creating me uniquely was because He'd created me to ADOPT!
Through this adoption process, I feel like I've come ALIVE! I am fully convinced that this is what I was made to do. And not that my whole identity is wrapped up in adoption, but I cannot deny that God planned this for me and intended for me to do this.
When I think back to where I was about three years ago - all of the pain and disappointment and separation from God. And when I compare that to where I am now, I am humbled and amazed to see how He's redeemed it all. He turned my mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11) and He gave me beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). So now when I think about the future and the inevitable dark and rainy days, I feel like I can face them with a sense of confidence that God will be there, He will be with me, and He will redeem it - whatever IT is - because that's how things work. That's how God works. "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) I get it now.
SO.... Are we infertile? I don't think so. Maybe. I don't know. Who knows? Who cares? Does it matter? I don't think our story follows the pattern of so many other adoptive parents, but I'm OK with that. God has blessed us beyond measure, and I can't wait to see what the future holds!
The Referral Game!
- 10/31 - Girl (Daddy)
- 11/02 - Boy (Bonnie)
- 11/09 - Boy (Stacie)
- 11/11 - Boy (Kirsten)
- 11/11 - Boy (Michelle)
- 11/11 - Girl (Rebecca W.)
- 11/14 - Boy (Misty)
- 11/15 - Boy (Emily B.)
- 11/16 - Boy (Emily M.)
- 11/17 - Boy (Auntie Jen Jen)
- 11/18 - Boy (Cathy)
- 11/20 - Boy (Claudia)
- 11/22 - Boy (Jenn)
- 11/23 - Boy (LeAnn) - WINNER!!!
- 11/24 - Boy (Carol Anne)
- 11/25 - Girl (Katie)
- 11/28 - Boy (Janis)
- 11/30 - Girl or twins (Holly)
- 12/01 - Boy (Aunt Missy)
- 12/05 - Boy (Robbie)
- 12/07 - Girl (Auntie Amy)
- 12/22 - Boy (Zach)
- 12/23 - Girl (Ellen S.)