7 months ago, our daughter was born on the other side of the world. This is my journal entry from that day...
Lord, there's so much on my heart. The roller coaster ride of MOWA's processing times continues, and it's hard. It's hard to understand why, it's hard to know what to believe, and it's hard to face an especially uncertain future. And I'm so tempted to throw myself even more into things that distract me - cake decorating, sewing, projects around the house - whatever it takes to make the time go quickly so I'm not so acutely aware of every day that passes that our baby isn't home. But Lord, Your Holy Spirit reminds me that distractions won't give me peace - only You can truly give me peace. And so I run to You, Lord. I run to You asking that You would help me to accept every second of Your will as being for my good and Your glory. Lord, I don't need to understand why this is happening, I just need renewed trust that You're here, and You're working, and that this is part of Your re-defining what motherhood looks like for me. And that's the hard part: I want to know right now what that's going to look like so I can plan. But I hear what You're saying, Lord. You're asking me to daily put my trust in You. Lord, my heart is fighting it today. I confess my unbelief, and my self-sufficiency and my lack of trust. I confess my idolatry of a certain way of life. Lord, continue to reveal to me my sin, but of these that I have confessed, help me repent. Help me turn from them and RUN to You.
Lord, I am more and more bothered by my weight, what I am eating and my lack of exercise. And yesterday it occurred to me that I may have more of a food addiction that I've ever wanted to admit. But when I try to think through it, my mind gets cloudy and the thoughts vanish. I pray, Lord, that those thoughts wouldn't be quickly snatched away, but You would help me struggle through them. Lord, if/where I have developed a dependence on food and/or laziness, I pray that You would reveal that to me. Please, Lord, show me what I've turned a blind eye to. I don't want to be consumed by diet and exercise, but I do want to be consumed with pursuing You over everything else - whether food or motherhood.
Lord, I'm thankful for the situations in my life that cause me to run to You. "For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Update: The Lord was gracious to begin to pull me out of my dependence on food and laziness. As of today, I have lost 25 pounds... and I have a daughter. Bottom line: life can be hard sometimes (or even all the time), but God is faithful to carry you through if You'll let Him. And His timing is so, so perfect.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
The Call
The day started out like the day before Thanksgiving does for lots of people: Rob's parents were driving in from Mississippi and we had LOTS to do to prepare for their arrival. My plan was to bake strawberry bread, dark chocolate cheesecake and pecan pie. And in between try to put up some Christmas decorations (because we would be celebrating both Thanksgiving and Christmas with them), wrap Christmas presents and straighten the house a bit. Rob had some errands to run, and he had graciously agreed to help with laundry and cleaning.
I got up about 8:00 and started making the strawberry bread. I put it in the oven and sat down to read my Bible, pray and journal. This is what I wrote yesterday:
Lord, I ask for justice. I'm so thankful that You've moved in the Ethiopia adoption program to protect children from child trafficking. But for those who are truly orphans, waiting months and months for someone to approve the adoption doesn't seem just. Lord, may the details of the P Family, S Family and M Family's cases be wrapped up quickly so that their children can come home. I know the Gladney homes take good care of babies, but it's just not the same as being in a family. I look at Elsie and Flynn and see how they're thriving, and I long to see Baby S, Baby I, Baby H, Baby A and Lottie/Levi (our boy name) doing the same.
Lord, I'm so thankful that You have given me more of Yourself while we've waited, and I know You will continue to be faithful to give us more of You. And You are enough. Lord, even if You took everything from me that I hold dear, You would still be enough. But I know these desires You've given me - for children to be home in their forever families - are desires You WANT me to pray for - You WANT me to ask You for these things - You WANT me to run to You - because You WILL answer. Lord, I know You will. You've given me the faith to keep on asking because You WILL respond. You WILL bring Baby S, Baby I, Baby H, Baby A and Lottie/Levi home soon. And until they are home, Lord, I won't stop asking. I will be persistent, just as You have commanded. And so, even in the midst of this crazy day of preparing for Rob's parents to arrive, I ask that You would send our referral call today.
About the time I finished up my time of prayer and journaling, the strawberry bread was done and it was time to start working on the cheesecake. I got the crust made and into the oven to bake for 5 minutes and was about to start working on the filling when my phone rang. An unidentified Fort Worth number, but since we live in Fort Worth, this happens all the time. I very calmly answered the phone.
Me: Hello?
Sara: Rebecca?
Me: Yes.
Sara: This is Sara from Gladney.
Me: Thinking - Is this really it? Don't get too excited. Hi Sara, how are you? Be cool. Act normal. This probably isn't The Call.
Sara: I'm good. I have your referral ready for you.
Me: Not really sure what I said. I'm pretty sure I'd been holding my breath the entire time because I let out a huge breath and said, Really? OK, um... Rob's out running errands so I need to call him. We can call you back in about 30 minutes.
She asked if I had her number, I was so frazzled I couldn't remember, so she gave it to me. My hands were shaking so badly, this is what it looked like:
I called Rob, but he didn't answer, so I opened up the BEST APP EVER: "Find Friends" for iPhone. I pulled up his location and saw that he was at Wal-Mart, so I knew he was close to home. I called back and fortunately he answered. I told him he needed to come home, but as he tells it, he knew it wasn't a crisis because I sounded happy. So he headed home.
At this point in the day I still had on my pj's and hadn't even brushed my teeth. All I kept thinking was that I had imagined being dressed and cleaned up for the call, but that wasn't going to happen, so I should at least brush my teeth (oh the things that are "important"!). While I was brushing my teeth, the timer went off for the oven, letting me know that the cheesecake crust was done ("Oh yeah! I'm in the middle of baking!" I thought). So, I ran and took the crust out of the oven.
He got home and admitted he'd already cried a bit in the car. I was still shaking. So, we sat down and called Sara back.
She said she was sending 3 emails and asked if there was anything we wanted to know while we waited for the emails to come. Rob asked a general question about the referral write-up and while she was answering it, the emails arrived. I saw the baby's name and thought it was a boy name. All the time Sara was talking, I was processing that we would have a son. Then, as she's talking she says something about "her story" and then something about "her paperwork." I put my hand on Rob's leg and mouthed "HER!" Then I said to Sara, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said after "her"! That's when she told us it was a girl (and I think that she was 7 months old). A lot of the details after that are pretty fuzzy. We looked at her pictures and... oh my goodness. She is GORGEOUS! She has the most beautiful eyes and smile and hair and skin. I could go on and on. One of the things that kept popping up throughout the paperwork is that she smiles a LOT, is very friendly and laughs loudly when you tickle her. I can't even tell you how much Rob and I love that.
Once we hung up with Sara, we talked through a few of the details and then got started calling our families. Because Rob's parents were on the road, we wanted to wait until they got to our house to tell them, so we had to swear everyone to secrecy and NOT post anything on Facebook until they saw that we had posted something.
When Rob's parents got to our house, we told them, celebrated with them a bit, and then told the rest of the world. We are so blessed with SUCH a supportive community of friends and family. Thank you for loving us and being as excited as we are!
We will be keeping our daughter's Ethiopian name as her middle name, and her first name will be Charlotte, or Lottie for short. Charlotte was my Nana's name and lots of people called her Lottie. We've loved that name for so long and my Nana held such a special place in my heart, that I couldn't think of anything better to name our daughter.
So.... What's next? We wait for a court date. It will probably be 2-3 months before we can travel to Ethiopia, meet Lottie and go to court. Then we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment for a couple of more months. Lottie's first birthday is April 6 and I am optimistically hoping she will be home for her birthday.
Four years ago, the week of Thanksgiving, we made the decision to adopt. We told our families on Thanksgiving Day. It has been a long journey since we first decided to adopt, but the Lord, in His sovereignty, saw fit to bless us with a referral the day before Thanksgiving. And I can't think of anything in this world to be more thankful for. We have seen our daughter's face. And it is a beautiful little face.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I got up about 8:00 and started making the strawberry bread. I put it in the oven and sat down to read my Bible, pray and journal. This is what I wrote yesterday:
Then the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. Will not God grant justice to His elect who cry out to Him day and night? Will He delay to help them? I tell you that He will swiftly grant them justice. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He find that faith on earth?" (Luke 18:6-8. From the Parable of the Persistent Widow found in Luke 18:1-8. This was in my daily reading yesterday, but has been a constant source of encouragement to me this year.)
Lord, I ask for justice. I'm so thankful that You've moved in the Ethiopia adoption program to protect children from child trafficking. But for those who are truly orphans, waiting months and months for someone to approve the adoption doesn't seem just. Lord, may the details of the P Family, S Family and M Family's cases be wrapped up quickly so that their children can come home. I know the Gladney homes take good care of babies, but it's just not the same as being in a family. I look at Elsie and Flynn and see how they're thriving, and I long to see Baby S, Baby I, Baby H, Baby A and Lottie/Levi (our boy name) doing the same.
Lord, I'm so thankful that You have given me more of Yourself while we've waited, and I know You will continue to be faithful to give us more of You. And You are enough. Lord, even if You took everything from me that I hold dear, You would still be enough. But I know these desires You've given me - for children to be home in their forever families - are desires You WANT me to pray for - You WANT me to ask You for these things - You WANT me to run to You - because You WILL answer. Lord, I know You will. You've given me the faith to keep on asking because You WILL respond. You WILL bring Baby S, Baby I, Baby H, Baby A and Lottie/Levi home soon. And until they are home, Lord, I won't stop asking. I will be persistent, just as You have commanded. And so, even in the midst of this crazy day of preparing for Rob's parents to arrive, I ask that You would send our referral call today.
About the time I finished up my time of prayer and journaling, the strawberry bread was done and it was time to start working on the cheesecake. I got the crust made and into the oven to bake for 5 minutes and was about to start working on the filling when my phone rang. An unidentified Fort Worth number, but since we live in Fort Worth, this happens all the time. I very calmly answered the phone.
Me: Hello?
Sara: Rebecca?
Me: Yes.
Sara: This is Sara from Gladney.
Me: Thinking - Is this really it? Don't get too excited. Hi Sara, how are you? Be cool. Act normal. This probably isn't The Call.
Sara: I'm good. I have your referral ready for you.
Me: Not really sure what I said. I'm pretty sure I'd been holding my breath the entire time because I let out a huge breath and said, Really? OK, um... Rob's out running errands so I need to call him. We can call you back in about 30 minutes.
She asked if I had her number, I was so frazzled I couldn't remember, so she gave it to me. My hands were shaking so badly, this is what it looked like:
Good thing I did actually have her number in my phone because I'm not sure I would have been able to read that!
I called Rob, but he didn't answer, so I opened up the BEST APP EVER: "Find Friends" for iPhone. I pulled up his location and saw that he was at Wal-Mart, so I knew he was close to home. I called back and fortunately he answered. I told him he needed to come home, but as he tells it, he knew it wasn't a crisis because I sounded happy. So he headed home.
At this point in the day I still had on my pj's and hadn't even brushed my teeth. All I kept thinking was that I had imagined being dressed and cleaned up for the call, but that wasn't going to happen, so I should at least brush my teeth (oh the things that are "important"!). While I was brushing my teeth, the timer went off for the oven, letting me know that the cheesecake crust was done ("Oh yeah! I'm in the middle of baking!" I thought). So, I ran and took the crust out of the oven.
Then I remembered the strawberry bread. They were still in the pans and needed to come out. So I flipped them over and they didn't come out. USUALLY, I would put them back in a warm oven to un-stick them, but not this day! Nope, I just shook them until they came out of the pans!
"Oh well, who cares?" I thought. "We're getting our referral today!!!"
So I set up the laptop and waited a few more minutes for Rob to get home.
He got home and admitted he'd already cried a bit in the car. I was still shaking. So, we sat down and called Sara back.
She said she was sending 3 emails and asked if there was anything we wanted to know while we waited for the emails to come. Rob asked a general question about the referral write-up and while she was answering it, the emails arrived. I saw the baby's name and thought it was a boy name. All the time Sara was talking, I was processing that we would have a son. Then, as she's talking she says something about "her story" and then something about "her paperwork." I put my hand on Rob's leg and mouthed "HER!" Then I said to Sara, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said after "her"! That's when she told us it was a girl (and I think that she was 7 months old). A lot of the details after that are pretty fuzzy. We looked at her pictures and... oh my goodness. She is GORGEOUS! She has the most beautiful eyes and smile and hair and skin. I could go on and on. One of the things that kept popping up throughout the paperwork is that she smiles a LOT, is very friendly and laughs loudly when you tickle her. I can't even tell you how much Rob and I love that.
Once we hung up with Sara, we talked through a few of the details and then got started calling our families. Because Rob's parents were on the road, we wanted to wait until they got to our house to tell them, so we had to swear everyone to secrecy and NOT post anything on Facebook until they saw that we had posted something.
When Rob's parents got to our house, we told them, celebrated with them a bit, and then told the rest of the world. We are so blessed with SUCH a supportive community of friends and family. Thank you for loving us and being as excited as we are!
We will be keeping our daughter's Ethiopian name as her middle name, and her first name will be Charlotte, or Lottie for short. Charlotte was my Nana's name and lots of people called her Lottie. We've loved that name for so long and my Nana held such a special place in my heart, that I couldn't think of anything better to name our daughter.
So.... What's next? We wait for a court date. It will probably be 2-3 months before we can travel to Ethiopia, meet Lottie and go to court. Then we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment for a couple of more months. Lottie's first birthday is April 6 and I am optimistically hoping she will be home for her birthday.
Four years ago, the week of Thanksgiving, we made the decision to adopt. We told our families on Thanksgiving Day. It has been a long journey since we first decided to adopt, but the Lord, in His sovereignty, saw fit to bless us with a referral the day before Thanksgiving. And I can't think of anything in this world to be more thankful for. We have seen our daughter's face. And it is a beautiful little face.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
REFERRAL!!!!!
We received our referral today! And...
She is 7 months and the cutest little thing you have ever seen!
Today has been the craziest day and I'm still abit lot frazzled. When I can put a coherent thought together I'll sit down and write about The Call.
Until then, we are over the moon and having the greatest Thanksgiving ever!
It's a GIRL!!!!!
She is 7 months and the cutest little thing you have ever seen!
Today has been the craziest day and I'm still a
Until then, we are over the moon and having the greatest Thanksgiving ever!
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