Thirteen Months!!

Can you even believe we've been on the Wait List for 13 months?  Me neither, Friends.  Me neither.  When we started the process, I think the average wait time for a referral was something like 8 months.  Now, my best guess is that it may be more like double that.  But here's the thing - it's OK!  Actually, it's more than OK - it's really GOOD!  I'm not sad, I'm not upset, I'm not depressed...  I'm really GOOD!  The Lord has done so much in my life and heart this year that I wouldn't trade one second of it for a referral. 

I mentioned a few months ago that David Platt's Radical had been pretty life-changing for us, and had we received our referral at 8 months, we would have completely missed out on what the Lord wanted to do in us through that study. 

I think I also mentioned a couple of months ago that we'd been volunteering with an apartment ministry in our area.  We have continued to do that and have been SO thankful that the Lord led us there.  He has shown us that everyone's life is not as comfortable as our's and that He wants to use us to show others how much He loves them.  I may have mentioned that we started out tutoring the kids, but starting in August, we'll actually be leading a Bible Study for the kids.  It was an opportunity that just fell in our laps that we couldn't refuse.  I have no idea what it will really look like, but I'm excited about teaching the kids about Jesus. 

Another opportunity that just fell in our laps was the opportunity to do a backpack and school supply drive for the kids in the apartment community.  We're hoping to collect at least 160 backpacks and school supplies so that every kid will have exactly what they need to start school.  I've been a bit nervous that we might not get everything we need, but the Lord has continued to remind me that one way or another, He will provide.

I think I also mentioned a couple of months ago that some friends had challenged us to a Biggest Loser type competition - couple vs. couple.  I may have also mentioned that we were going to try Couch to 5K.  C25K went pretty well for a couple of weeks, but then I ended up with runner's knee (or something) and couldn't do anything for 2 weeks.  After that we decided that walking would work just as well as running.  And to be honest, I actually think it's working better.  We did not win the competition for the month of June, but by the end of the month we'd found our groove and July has been a very successful month for us in terms of weight loss and just being active together.  And a bonus is that we're spending about an hour of quality time together each night, which we weren't previously doing.  We'll both try to "save" conversations for our walks so that 1) we have something to focus on other than just walking in silence; and 2) we end up talking about things that we didn't take the time to talk about before.  I never thought it would improve our communication skills, but it has!  So, in addition to learning how to become physically healthier, our marriage is becoming healthier as well.  And let's just be honest, if our adoption had gone quicker and we were home with a baby now, we wouldn't be so focused on learning how to live healthier, we would be in survival mode!  It's just one more thing for which to be thankful.

As for Ethiopia, there are a lot of specifics I can't really talk about on the blog.  Things have happened this year that have slowed down the process (at least for now), but I think all of them have been done for the sake of protecting the children. And for that, I am so very thankful.  I  believe that the Lord is working in Ethiopia to allow adoptions to continue ethically and in a way that glorifies Him.

We have been so blessed this year to really see the Lord's Hand at work - in our lives, in the lives of those around us and in Ethiopia. And I wouldn't trade it for the world!  Happy 13 months waiting :-)

While We Wait: Multiple Blessings

As you may recall, I mentioned in this post that my sister and brother-in-law were in the process of a domestic adoption.  I am SO HAPPY to announce that they are now the proud parents of TWINS born June 6!!!  I was able to spend about 10 days at home with them in Nashville, and Auntie Becca is in LOVE! 

Aren't they just gorgeous?  Head on over to Jen's blog and read the story and look at the awesome family pictures.

P.S.  I know I am due for a 12 month post.  Suffice it to say, June was largely filled with the new niece and nephew, but here's the (cautiously optimistic) update on our adoption:  We expect a referral in August (maybe September), travel for court by the end of the year, and then return to bring our baby home early 2012.  And if you haven't learned by now, this is subject to change from day to day :-)

Eleven Months!!

11 months.  Wow.  Who ever thought they'd be reading THIS post?  Certainly not I.  But a lot has happened this year in the world of Ethiopian adoptions, and so we're here - still waiting for a referral after 11 months on the Wait List. 

For those of you who are here to read the bottom line update, here you go:  According to the averages for the month of May, it looks like we could receive a referral in August, and then travel for court in January or February.  But remember, these are moving targets, so we'll see.

So...  what have we been up to over the past month?

Well, my baby sister FINALLY graduated from college!  She graduated from Watkins College with a Graphic Design degree and we are VERY proud.  My parents are most especially glad that after 17 consecutive years of paying college tuition for 3 daughters, they are finally finished!!!  In early May we went to Amy's Senior Show to see some of her work, and the work of others in her class.  It was very cool and we had a great time.  Here's a family photo from that night:

Amy is also to thank for my #11 up top.  It's from the super cool 2012 calendar she made for her show: 

(Click to enlarge)

I bought one from her because I love it so much.  If you would like one, feel free to email her at miller dot amynicole at gmail dot com.

This month we also started tutoring once a week at an apartment complex through an organization that does apartment ministry.  "Tutoring" is a rather loose term to describe what we've been doing, actually.  The kids claim they don't have homework, or don't need help, so each week we try to come up with educational games to play.  We have loved getting to know the kids and are beginning to connect with them.  I'm starting to see, however, that connection comes with a cost.  Some of the kids have pretty dysfunctional home lives, and when I hear their stories, I have a hard time not grabbing them all up and bringing them home with me.

Cake decorating classes have also continued this month.  It's taken a lot of time, and been a lot of work, but I love everything I'm learning. And I love being able to make cakes for special occasions, like an anniversary party at work.  We had a party for 2 of my co-workers who were celebrating 20 and 25 years with the company. 

One of the guests of honor is a huge chocolate fanatic, so the cake was chocolate cake with a chocolate ganache filling and, of course, chocolate buttercream.  I was pretty happy with the final product.

This next cake was the final project for this month's class.  It wasn't actually how I planned to decorate the cake, but our instructor wanted us to practice the basketweave, so it turned out kind of weird....

But it tasted good: white cake with lemon curd filling and lemon buttercream.  Yum.  June's class covers decorating with fondant, and I'm excited about that.

May is also birthday month for both of us, so we've had a lot of birthday dinners and shopping.  One of our joint birthday gifts (in my opinion, at least) was a 3 and a half hour trip to IKEA to buy organizational products for our out-of-control pantry.  We also made a couple of trips to The Container Store (another favorite), so there will be a Before And After post in the next couple of weeks.  But, I can tell you, it's looking better already.

As for June, Rob and I have committed to a Biggest-Loser-type 3-month challenge with some friends of ours - couple vs. couple.  As part of that, we're doing the Couch to 5K program.  We're starting with a Week 0 (30 minutes of walking 3 times a week) at 9:00 tomorrow morning.  I've always wanted to be a runner, but have never been any good at it, so I have high hopes that this will be successful.

So, back to the adoption...  I'm continuing to process everything that's happening.  It's a lot, and intense, and maybe one day I'll be able to share it publicly, but not for now.  I'm happy to talk about it, though, but writing about it just seems.... overwhelming.  The bottom line, however, is that God is good no matter my circumstances, and always - always - faithful.

Ten Months!!

 

Oh yeah! You know what this means, don't you? Cake Decorating classes have begun! Monday was our 10 month-iversary on the Wait List AND my last week of my first cake decorating class. For April, May and June I'll be taking the Wilton classes at our local Hobby Lobby. The first class was the buttercream class, the next one covers royal icing and gum paste, and the last one covers fondant. You might think from the picture above and the other pictures you've seen of cakes I've decorated in the past, that I totally rocked this class. And.... you would be WRONG! I could go into the details, but it would be boring for all of us, so let's just say that this class was - FOR SURE - a learning experience. I learned a little what TO do, but I learned A LOT what NOT to do.

Exhibit A: The first cake...

This was NOT (as one friend suggested) a carrot cake.  Oh no.  This is what happens when your buttercream is WAY TOO thick and ALL the crumbs from the cake get mixed into the frosting.  I was so defeated by the time I finished icing the cake that when it came time to actually decorate it, I slapped a "cupcake" on it and proclaimed it "Finished."  I was really tempted to just chuck it in the trash, but I knew my co-workers would yell at me for throwing away a "perfectly good" cake, so I took it into work the next day.  Bless their hearts, they ate all but one piece.  I love them :)

Last week we made cupcakes. While these were MUCH better than the week before, they were still kind of sad. I present to you Exhibit B:

I have high hopes for the next couple of classes that I will actually learn how to do new things WELL!

So, as usual, the theme of this month has been "crafts."

My friend taught me how to make pillowcase dresses and I was so inspired that I made a couple of them for our March of Dimes Silent Auction at work:

Aren't they so cute?! I love these things! I'm pretty sure the Lord will give us a boy, but I will FIND A WAY to find little girls to put dresses on! Trust me :)

Also, as I was pulling these pictures off my phone, I found a picture of the finished nursery "shell." We painted the room yellow (twice because the first time was TOO yellow) and put up white wainscoting. We're waiting to actually decorate it till we find out if our future child is a boy or girl, so for now, this is what the room looks like:

So, the big question: How much longer will we be waiting for a referral? I have no idea. My guess would be another few months, but it's really hard to predict right now. I hope by next month there will be a little more clarity. In the meantime, the Lord is teaching me that He might not always give me what I want, when I want it, but He will always give me more of Him - and He is more than enough.

Nine Months!

(Yes, I flipped the number upside-down from the six month post)

Using an upside-down six for our 9 month post that's a day late won't be the only thing out of the ordinary for this month's update.

I naively believed we wouldn't be on the Wait List 9 months.   I knew it was a possibility, but I never really thought it would happen.  I really thought we would have a referral by now and would be (not so) patiently waiting for a court date.  For a number of reasons, we are still waiting for a referral and really have no way to even estimate how much longer we'll be waiting.  At this point I still hope we'll be home with a baby this year, but each month that goes by without a referral decreases that possibility.  However, the Lord has been so gracious to enable us to REALLY believe that His timing is perfect and to trust Him in especially difficult times.

This last month has been intense.  As a church we began reading through David Platt's Radical.   Here's Amazon's product description:

WHAT IS JESUS WORTH TO YOU?

It's easy for American Christians to forget how Jesus said his followers would actually live, what their new lifestyle would actually look like. They would, he said, leave behind security, money, convenience, even family for him. They would abandon everything for the gospel. They would take up their crosses daily...

BUT WHO DO YOU KNOW WHO LIVES LIKE THAT? DO YOU?

In Radical, David Platt challenges you to consider with an open heart how we have manipulated the gospel to fit our cultural preferences. He shows what Jesus actually said about being his disciple--then invites you to believe and obey what you have heard. And he tells the dramatic story of what is happening as a "successful" suburban church decides to get serious about the gospel according to Jesus.

I actually started reading the book back in November when the rest of the blogosphere was talking about it.  I got a couple of chapters into it and just had to put it down.  I remember telling a friend it was just "too much."  I wasn't sure how to describe at that time how it made me feel, but I now understand it was guilt.  It made me feel bad about myself because, at the time, I felt like it was adding more tasks to my checklist - and it was "too much."  I couldn't DO any more than I was already doing.  I was nearly overloaded as it was, and here was a guy telling me I wasn't doing enough  It was too much.  So I put it down and thought I might pick it up again at some point when I felt like I could better handle it.

Over the next few months the Lord began showing me so much about myself.  The details are better left for another post, but I began to realize that Lord didn't really have my heart, He just had my good behavior.  As I began to press into Him, He began to reveal areas of sin in my heart that I had ignored and enabled me to repent of those. 

When I found out we'd be reading through Radical as a church, I was not excited.   The last thing I wanted was for our church to be guilted into changing.  Rob and I talked about it and agreed to pray that if David Platt's message was something we needed to hear, we would be convicted that it was right, and not just feel guilty about it.  Thankfully, as we both began reading, the Holy Spirit confirmed to our hearts that Platt's message was true, what he says is right. 

We're only 4 chapters into the book (we're reading 1 chapter a week so we can really wrestle with each chapter), and it has been an intense 4 weeks.  I could probably write a post a day about everything the Lord is showing us and allowing us to witness.  Yes, it has been intense, but it has been oh-so-sweet.  Which is why we have so much trust in His timing.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up at 2:00 in the morning.  I was wide awake and my mind was churning with everything that had been happening.  Because I was wide awake, I decided to pray through all of it.  As I was praying, it hit me.  If we had received a referral in the timeframe we thought we would have, we would have been so focused on becoming parents that we would have totally missed what God wanted to do in us through the Radical study.  How awesome is that?!  The Lord NEVER shows me why things aren't happening like I think they should.  He always asks me to trust Him and MAYBE later He'll show me what was going on behind the scenes.  His showing me this made everything even more sweeter. 

So, have I mentioned it's been an intense month?  A really good, intense month.  And I can't wait to see what next month brings.  Happy, happy 9 months to us :)

Balance

Because the last post was REALLY heavy, here's a little bit of happy...

Thanks to the AMAZING Jen Cook and Ann Carroll,

The Photographix.

P.S.  I really have THE cutest husband ever, don't I?

While We Wait: Sacrifice

Sometimes some things just need to be shared.  They BEG to be shared.  As much as part of me would like to blend in, not make any waves and go with the flow – be NORMAL – the events scream out, “Don’t keep me to yourself!  It’s not fair!”  Or maybe it’s not the events at all that scream out, maybe it’s Someone.  Someone who is guiding my life and its events and is weaving me into His story…

About a month ago I received some misinformation.  Someone misunderstood something that was said and called me upset about the possibility of Ethiopia closing its international adoption program. Not knowing all the facts, I got upset too.  I spent a very long weekend wondering about all the “what-ifs.”  What if Ethiopia really put a stop to all international adoptions?  What if we couldn’t adopt from Ethiopia?  What would we do?  I spent a few days mourning the potential loss of our Ethiopian adoption.  What it came down to for me was that I grown to love Ethiopia.  It had ceased being just a means to grow our family.  We have grown to love the country like they are somehow already our extended family.  Just thinking about the possibility of losing that was gut-wrenching.

As Sunday rolled around, it began to dawn on me that if I really love Ethiopia – particularly the children – then I want what’s best for them.  If there is corruption, then my prayer is that it stops. If children are being trafficked, then it needs to stop.  No matter what.   In worship on Sunday morning, we were singing a song that says,

You are the everlasting God,

The everlasting God.

You do not faint,

You won't grow weary.

You're the defender of the weak,

You comfort those in need,

You lift us up on wings like eagles.

Of course, I’ve always sung those lyricsthinking of myself.   But as I was thinking about them, I started thinking about the children of Ethiopia.  THEY are the weak ones who need a Defender; THEY are the ones who need a Comforter.  Of course, He comforts and defends me too, but singing that song that day, my heart changed and all of the sudden this adoption wasn’t all about me anymore.  My desire was that first and foremost God would protect His children. 

As I was singing and praying, another thought came to mind, “What if we didn’t adopt at all and just gave all of our disposable income away?  We could sponsor tons of kids each month.  We could even help fund projects like building wells or schools.  We really could do a lot of good with the money we’ve already saved and continue to put away.”  And it was those thoughts that exposed what was really in my heart.  My heart cried out, “NO!  I want to be a mom!  It’s the deepest desire of my heart!  I can’t give that up!”  And that’s when I heard Him.  A still, small ,powerful voice.  “Will you give Me your desire to be a mom?  Will you sacrifice that to Me?  Will you lay it on the altar and let Me have it?” 

What do you do?  When the Creator of the universe, the God who you say you worship, the God who gave HIS Son for YOU, asks for something you hold most dear?  You let Him have it.  You say, “OK, God, OK.  Take it.  I want You to have all of me.  Do with me what You will.  I will sacrifice my desire to be a mom to You.  You can have it.  Take it.”  At least, that’s my story.  I just couldn’t hold onto something when God was asking for it.

That hasn’t always been my story, though.  I like to plan, and I like to control, and I like to think I know what life will look like in 6 months or a year.  But God wouldn’t allow me to think
that way any longer.  And what I’ve realized is that by giving Him my deepest desire, I’ve actually given Him complete control of the future.  (I “gave” God complete control of the future – how delusional are we to think we have any control over that anyway?)  But my heart has changed.  And the way I feel about the future has changed.  I feel like I’ve given Him the lump of clay that I’d molded into what I thought the future would look like.  He’s taken it and is molding it, and will eventually let me see what it looks like.  And while there are parts that may look exactly like what I thought they’d look like, I suspect there will be some parts that will look very different.  I have no idea which parts those will be, or what they will look like, but I totally trust Him.

While the information I received about Ethiopia closing its doors was not quite accurate at the time, there really is a lot going on over there right now.  It’s hard to know how much is really accurate, and how much is really just speculation, but for sure things are changing.  I really have no idea how it will all play out, but getting caught up in the details right now doesn’t seem to matter much to me.  God is completely in charge of my future, and I trust Him to work all things out in His timing – whatever that may be.

I was asked today if we have a Plan B.  No.  Plan A all along has been to trust that God is writing our story.  He has, and is and will continue to do so.  I have no idea what that looks like, but I know it will be beautiful.